This is the time of year where everyone usually comes out with their lists. Best songs, best albums, best shows, best whatevers. And in the past, I have as well. But you know what? Everyone does lists. And no one cares. Lists are no longer cool. They are the opposite of bowties. (Bowties are cool.)
So, in lieu of a list, I give you the moment you didn't realise you've all been waiting for:

The First Annual Doomy Awards

Awarded for Outstanding Musical Musicianship in the field of Music.

I have taken this year's music and have decided to give my favourite songs, albums, artists, or musical moments the "props" they deserve. In the form of randomly named award categories. And I want to stress, even though the categories may be silly or tongue in cheek, these are legitimately some of my favourite songs, albums and artists of the year.

And now, without further ado... on with the show, this is it!

Best Homonym in a Song Title:
~~"Not~~ Knot in my Heart" by The Zolas
from the album Ancient Mars

Most Brain-Meltingly Insane Collaboration That Absolutely Works:
"You Man? Human???" by The Flaming Lips featuring Nick Cave
from the album The Flaming Lips and Heady Fwends

Song Most Likely to Convince You to Commit a Felony:
"I Wanna Rob A Bank" by Jason Collett
from the album Reckon

Song Most Likely to Make You Endlessly Sob:
"Margaret Downe" by Aidan Knight
from the album Small Reveal

Best Petition Song:
"www.ipetitions.com/petition/rivertonrifle/" by John K Samson
from the album Provincial (petition link)

Longest and Therefor Best Song:
"We Drift Like Worried Fire" by Godspeed You! Black Emperor
from the album 'Allelujah! Don't Bend! Ascend!

Longest and Therefor Best Song Title:
"Hold On When You Get Love and Let Go When You Give It" by Stars
from the album The North

Song That I Most Want to Direct a Music Video For That Ends with Everyone Waltzing:
"Springtime" by Wintermitts
from the album Oceans

Best Interlude Song (less than two minutes) I Wish was Fleshed Out into a Full One:
"Safe Harbour" by Said the Whale
from the album Little Mountain

Best Summer Song (to be released in the fall):
"Young & Lazy" by The Matinée
first single from the forthcoming album We Swore We’d See the Sunrise

Blurriest hands while playing the banjo AND loveliest voice:
"The Bear" by Shred Kelly
from the album In The Hills

Best Song That is not, in fact, a Sonny & Cher Cover:
"I Got You Babe" by Bahamas
from the album Barchords

Best Song for a Girl to Yell "This is My Jam!!!" to in the Club:
"Shortie" by Hannah Georgas
from the album Hannah Georgas

Best Genre Fake-Out:
The beginning of "The Beat" by Elisapie
the lead song from the album Travelling Love

Best Song Pairing:
"Hot Blooded Man" and "Black Magic Woman" by Bend Sinister
from the album Small Fame

Most Beautiful Album That is Really Kind of Depressing Once You Find Out What it's About:
Spectral Dusk by Evening Hymns

Best Album Made in Ten Weeks, at a rate of One Song per Week:
Scrappy Happiness by Joel Plaskett Emergency

Best Use of a Space Clarinet on an album:
Mean Sun by Brasstronaut

Best Album To Listen to While Slowly Descending into Madness:
Toward the Low Sun by Dirty Three

Album Most Likely to LITERALLY Blow Your Mind:
Valtari by Sigur Rós

Album That Most Needs to be Listened to Front-to-Back:
Coyote by Matt Mays

Song Lyric That Will Likely Hit a Little TOO Close to Home in a Few Years:

‘I spent my 20’s on rock and roll, I’ll spend my 30’s feeling old."
- "20's" by Rah Rah
from the album The Poet's Dead

Best Song to Misinterpret as about Batman:
"Rise, rise, rise from your bed..."
- "Lungs" by The Tom Fun Orchestra
from the album Earthworm Heart

Best Use of a Curse Word Interjected into a Real Word:
"yeah the kind who fights the good fight / not the kind you find / fisti-fucking-cuffing in the dirt"
- "Dread in my Heart" by Mother Mother
from the album The Sticks

Worst Advice in a Song Lyric:
"You get these urges to just drive when you're drunk / I have these urges to just ride along"
- "My Girl" by Yukon Blonde
from the album Tiger Talk

Best Shout Out to a CBC Radio 3 Host AND Best Use of Hair in a Band:
"Laaaanaaaa Gaaayyyyy"
- "Take Me Back (To The Place)" by beekeeper
from the Take Me Back (To The Place) 7"

Most Strangely Arousing Lyric:
"Wait / Don't go / You turn me on so / With your bee-sting lips / And your pepper-grinder hips"
- "The End of That" by Plants & Animals
from the album The End of That

Best Video Featuring an Author of This Blog:
"Gorbechev" by 41st and Home, video by Amazing Factory

Best Reason to Be Alive:
Rich Aucoin's live shows

And there you have it. Once again, these really do represent some of my favourite things in music this year, and I encourage you to click to your hearts content, until all the blue links above have turned purple (or whatever your colour scheme may be).
Congratulations to all the winners, and here's hoping for another year with just as many excellent albums, songs, musicians, and fake award fodder.